Pitchfork Media’s Top 100 Songs of 2008

December 16th, 2008

Pitchfork Media is known for giving props to most hipster bands of the day, but with their top 100 list I think they’ve gone too far.

Check out the entire list here, for a good laugh. Lists are always retarded, but I’ve never seen one worse than this. There are TWO Cut Copy songs in the top 20. It also makes you wonder, what does being listed as number 74 really mean? 

The top 20 alone is enough to dismiss the whole list, check it out:

20 The Juan MacLean - “Happy House”
19 Vivian Girls - “Where Do You Run To”
18 Women - “Black Rice”
17 Wiley - “Wearing My Rolex”
16 The Mae Shi - “Run to Your Grave”
15 Amadou and Mariam - “Sabali”
14 Lil Wayne - “A Milli”
13 Kanye West - “Flashing Lights” 
12 Cut Copy - “Out There on the Ice”
11 David Byrne and Brian Eno - “Strange Overtones”
10 Estelle [ft. Kanye West] - “American Boy”
09 Portishead - “Machine Gun”
08 Air France - “Collapsing at Your Doorstep”
07 Cut Copy - “Hearts on Fire”
06 Deerhunter - “Nothing Ever Happened”
05 M83 - “Kim & Jessie”
04 Santogold - “L.E.S. Artistes”
03 Hot Chip - “Ready for the Floor”
02 Fleet Foxes - “White Winter Hymnal”
01 Hercules and Love Affair - “Blind”

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Kanye West’s Live Performance Fail On SNL

December 15th, 2008

This one doesn’t take much explaining as you can check out the video below. A lot of people thought Kanye’s overuse of auto-tune on “808s & Heartbreak” was bad, well now he has also used auto-tune live on SNL. For certain parts of the song he just stops singing and a female backing track? (or singer that is off-stage?) comes in to finish his part. 

Could this be some kind of revolution of Pro Tool’s plug-ins dominating live music? I think it’s quite possible. 

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Billy Corgan Rants To The Chicago Tribune

December 10th, 2008

Last time we posted about Billy Corgan it was in regards to him having some weird melt-down onstage. Today it’s about him ranting to the Chicago Tribune about all things Smashing Pumpkins. 

The interview is really just another chance to laugh at him. Check out some of these choice excerpts…

Corgan: We’re done with the record business, so we’re free to do whatever I want.

Tribune: So “Zeitgeist” was the last album?

Corgan: We’re done with that. There is no point. People don’t even listen to it all. They put it on their iPod, they drag over the two singles, and skip over the rest. The listening patterns have changed, so why are we killing ourselves to do albums, to create balance, and do the arty track to set up the single? It’s done.

An important fact I think Billy Corgan is not touching on here, is that if the music doesn’t suck complete ass people will listen to it. I’m also sure if you ask most Smashing Pumpkins fans about “Zeitgeist” they’ll either ask you if you’re talking about the YouTube conspiracy video or tell you that the album sucked real bad.

About the original Smashing Pumpkins breaking up in 2000, Billy Corgan had this to say…

Tribune: Why’d you break up the Pumpkins in 2000?

Corgan: The real story was Iha was driving me out of my mind. He was so negative. The guy literally drove me insane. When I walked out of that band, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t have a direction, a central focus. I wandered through different things, but I couldn’t find that central thing. As soon as I got back in the band my brain started working again. I was engaged again.

Wow, so there you have it fans. It was Iha’s fault.

Source.

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Creed In Talks For Reunion Tour

December 8th, 2008

A lot of times writing these posts is pretty easy. Mainly because there is so much sucky news coming out of the music world every single day. A while back we posted about the fact that former Pearl Jam-campers /christian rock favorite’s Creed would be reuniting for a tour. 

According to Reuters, it turns out those were more than just rumors. It appears Creed is now in talks for doing a lucrative reunion tour. From the Reuters article…

“As such, there are significant dollars on the table for a Creed trek, according to sources close to the situation, who say an official announcement could be imminent.”

Again, I understand the band was popular about 5 or 6 years ago but who would really pay over $50 to see this shit? Maybe I’d like to think the country has better music taste now than it did 5 years ago, especially since we elected Obama. I mean, somehow electing Obama should mean we are a highly cultured, sophisticated bunch right? This proves we are not. 

I’m still waiting for the Soundgarden reunion, I know it can be done.

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Joe Satriani Sues Coldplay

December 5th, 2008

Musician’s Institute god Joe Satriani has sued Coldplay today in Los Angeles federal court for copyright infringement. The guitar-virtuoso is accusing Coldplay of ripping off his 2004 instrumental ”If I Could Fly” with their song “Viva La Vida” from their album of the same name. Coldplay has just received 7 grammy-nominations for the album. 

“The 52-year-old guitar virtuoso is seeking a jury trial, damages and “any and all profits” attributable to the alleged copyright infringement.” 

The Satriani instrumental is very similar to the Coldplay track. It appears that Joe may have a good case. You can check out a comparison over at YouTube. This is a weird case though. I don’t really care for either artist but let’s be honest, Satriani couldn’t write a good song to save his life. Yes, he’s an amazing guitarist but that really hasn’t gotten him much commercial success.

All of this just seems desperate, Satriani is old and probably just needs some money. Then again who doesn’t need money nowadays. Anyway, stay tuned to find out who will win, Satriani or U2 Jr. 

Source.

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Stephen Colbert: Operation Humble Kanye

December 4th, 2008

Stephen Colbert is frequently hilarious but nothing made us laugh as much as this clip. In what Stephen Colbert is calling “Operation Humble Kanye” he is attempting to get viewers to purchase his Christmas album “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All” so that he can topple “808s & Heartbreak” and hopefully humble Kanye West, which of course will never happen. Just check out the video, we couldn’t have said it better ourselves. 

 

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Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo To Collaborate With Aly & AJ

December 3rd, 2008

Weezer has sucked ever since Matt Sharp left the band. By now, pretty much everyone is aware of this fact. Since then, frontman Rivers Cuomo has put out a lot of crap. Now though, he has made the full transformation into a completely non-relevant rock star. He is currently set to record a collaboration with Christian friendly teen-pop duo Aly & AJ. 

A while back, when I was working at a studio in LA, I was present during an Aly & AJ session. In case you don’t know, they are two teenage girls managed by their mother and some other handlers. Usually they’d show up around 3 hours late (once because their mom was giving one of them a bath - they’re like 17 or 18 years old). Then, they’d be told to sing something for a few minutes, the producer would auto-tune-it-up and then they’d order delivery. Being a disney teen-age pop-star is hard work. 

I can never remember which one is which but since I wasn’t allowed to speak to them unless I was spoken to one of them ended up eating my tacos…I was robbed of my dinner that night. Yes, I am bitter about it. The point here is, why can’t Rivers Cuomo collaborate with Matt Sharp again? That seemed to work pretty well on the Blue Album and Pinkerton don’t you think?. Come on dude…Aly & AJ? Damn. 

Source.

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Britney Spears “Circus” Tour To Begin Next Spring

December 2nd, 2008

Billbored is reporting that Britney Spears will embark on her first arena tour in 5 years during March of next year. The tour is titled “The Circus Starring Britney Spears.” 

Like many things we don’t need to explain why this sucks, I mean just look at the name of the tour. However, it is still so hard for us to understand this…

“Tour promoter AEG Live CEO Randy Phillips says online registration to buy presale tickets for the O2 shows are “huge”. We haven’t even run an ad yet and we’ve sold over 100,000 tickets.”

It’s amazing how many people are still interested in Ms. Ex-Federline and even more amazing that they’re willing to pay $100 or more to see her lip-sync her way through 2 hours worth of material. I guess if you really really like dance choreography it’s worth it? Either way, were hoping she goes crazy in the middle of the tour and scares a bunch of parents and 14-year-old girls by flashing her crotch or whatever she used to do every week last year. Good times.

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“My BFF” - Paris Hilton’s New Song

December 1st, 2008

Like, omg!  Have you heard Paris Hilton’s new song?  It’s not like we haven’t heard (and seen) enough of her already.  Between filming for her hit MTV show My New BFF, and cat-fighting her way through the glamorous LA party scene, Paris has somehow found time to record another album (yes, she already has one).   “Hilton has her own independent label, Heiress Records, which she founded in 2004 to help get her music career off the ground.”  AKA - no one would pay to release her album so she had to pay for it herself.  “The label’s roster includes one artist: Paris Hilton.”  Really?  Paris Hilton is a selfish, conceited brat?  Big surprise.

Now, I couldn’t be completely honest without admitting to having sung along to the catchy hook of “Stars Are Blind” at least once in my youth.  However, in my defense,  she did not write the song, nor did I purchase it legally.  But I digress.

Hilton described her new album as “very personal,” having actually written her own songs.  I’m not sure why she considers this a selling point, as it exposes the fact that she did NOT write the songs on her first album.  Like most people, however, I did have an intense curiosity to listen to the new track, “My BFF,” and the repercussions reminded me a lot of the time I accidentally swallowed a fly - just wondering why it happened and wallowing in the fact that it’s too late to avoid.

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Britney Spears, Kanye West, Lil Wayne Among Musicians We’re Not Thankful For

November 26th, 2008

Over at MTV.com they’ve posted a piece on the musicians they are most thankful for this year. Since MTV doesn’t actually show any music these days I’m guessing that actual music or music-related topics are discussed exclusively online.

Anyway, if you check out the article you’ll see that they list an artist and then explain why they’re thankful. Of course we here at SuckPolice are not thankful for any of these musical abortions, I mean just check out the artists they list, damn. So we are here to tell you why these artists and what they’ve done sucks, because that is our civic duty. 

Kanye West
Why We’re Not Thankful: If there is anyone more annoying than Kanye West, please let me know. First, he puts the Bonnaroo Festival to shame and proves once again that he sucks live. Just imagine how awesome it was to see his “Glow In The Dark” tour during the day. Then, he whines and moans about not winning EUROPEAN MTV awards. He also, almost single-handedly bombarded the “hip-hop” industry with a barrage of shitty auto-tuned tracks. This will probably continue as a trend until about 2014. 

Metallica
Why We’re Not Thankful: “The biggest metal band in the world came back with a vengeance.” Yea, if by vengeance you mean an overloaded, over-compressed piece of digital garbage in the form of “Death Magnetic.” While the album isn’t too bad and does in some ways show a return to form, it being mastered so loud destroyed any chance the album will ever have of achieving any sort of legit-status. Also, it still kind of sounds like “St. Anger.”

Death Cab for Cutie
Why We’re Not Thankful: I totally can admit to liking the first single from Death Cab’s last album “Narrow Stairs.” While “I Will Posses Your Heart” is a good song, it doesn’t really deserve to be praised as challenging and different because the intro of the song is super long. If you think it’s “different & challenging” that a band can play the same riff over and over again, well you’re just kinda stupid. 

Britney Spears
Why We’re Not Thankful: Her so called “comeback” as a normal person is total BS. We all know that Britney is still bat-shit loco and that she just got a new PR team. She honestly gets way too much press, now everybody’s ready to support this bitch again? Wha?

Lil Wayne
Why We’re Not Thankful: Lil’ Wayne definitely deserves some respect for proving that in an age of illegal downloading and a sagging economy that it’s still possible to sell 1 million records in a week. It still doesn’t change the fact that he’s a cracked-out retard who can’t rap and has really really stupid tattoo’s all over his face. 

Hope you enjoyed all the stuff we’re not thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving from the SuckPolice!

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