Jimmy Iovine Discusses Guns N’ Roses “Chinese Democracy”

November 24th, 2008

If I wanted to, I could seriously post here everyday about how much Guns N’ Roses suck. It is hard to resist that urge every single day, but somehow I manage to. Anyway, today I actually have a reason. I came across an interview with professional douche-bag Jimmy Iovine (Interscope-Geffen-A&M chairman) at Billboard.com. 

In the interview he is asked about Guns N’ Roses forthcoming Best Buy-exclusive album “Chinese Democracy.” Here is just some of his response…

“Axl delivered a great Guns N’ Roses album. Period. He did. It took him a long time for whatever reasons. I am sure there were many different reasons. Bottom line is, he did it. It’s hard to say if something is worth the wait, because how the hell do any of us know? I judge it based on what it is. Does it sound better than 99% of the rock records out there? Yes. I’m just thrilled for him.”

A long time, yea maybe…you think 15 years is a “long time” for an album? It’s an eternity. Back when Axl started work on “Chinese Democracy” people actually still bought albums and 14.4 modems were the next big technological advancement. Also, “better than 99.9% of all the rock records out there”? We’ve heard some “Chinese Democracy” tracks already. What the fuck is Jimmy Iovine listening to?

Looks like a steaming-pile of BS to me, don’t believe it.  The album will suck harder than you can imagine.

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Billy Corgan & The “Smashing Pumpkins” At It Again

November 20th, 2008

Apparently this is where consulting a team of psychics gets you…

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Foo Fighters, John Mayer and B.B. King To Perform At The First Grammy Nominations Concert

November 18th, 2008

OK, so a while back we posted about the Foo Fighters consistent sucking-up-to-the-man, corporate behavior. It really isn’t that surprising coming from a band that has fallen so far, but it still sucks.  Especially since their downfall really seems to have no end in sight.

The good ‘ol Foo Fighters will be performing at the first ever Grammy Nominations concert, along with new tabloid pretty boy John Mayer and B.B. King - though I can’t really talk shit about BB since he is an undisputed blues legend - did you know he has released over 50 albums?!.  The concert will be held on Dec 3rd at Nokia: LA Live and will also be broadcast on CBS.

Hosting this sure-to-be-amazing event will be Mariah Carey, LL Cool J and Taylor Swift and the event will also coincide with the opening of the Grammy Museum in the LA Live complex.  Yes, you heard me right.  The Grammy Museum - where all Grammy award winning “artists” can be celebrated and placed on an ever-rising pedestal for the fans of mainstream music to look up to, and unfortunately emulate.

As if the Grammy Awards weren’t BS enough, they’ve now decided to stage an event just for the nominations.  I can’t help but picture a mile-long conference table in a fancy office at the top of some high rise building somewhere, lined with Armani-suit wearing, smell-their-own farts, corporate assholes and wonder to myself how they couldn’t come up with anything better.  But then I remember that even though the idea sucks, the general public will never notice as long as you dangle that invisible carrot , in this case Mariah Carey and Foo Fighters.  Which then leads me to wonder how much money Foo Fighters need to make before they stop encouraging these corporate assholes.  Ok I’ll stop with the corporate-bashing rant.  But seriously, I thought the Foos were supposed to be on hiatus, anyway.  I know I could use the break.

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Kanye West Shifts Focus From Awards & Fame To His Mother & Obama

November 14th, 2008

Today, MTV.com reported that Kanye West has “changed his priorities over the last year.” He told MTV Europe that now his main goal is to be “groundbreaking with his product and not just be the most recognizable face on the planet.”

“I used to want to be the biggest star in the world; now I don’t know if that’s my goal anymore,” West said. “I just want to make really good music. I wouldn’t do anything just to become any more famous. If anything, I want to be less famous. So as I make my music, I’m putting it out for me!”

Does anyone else realize how slimy that sounds?  That’s like saying, “I used to want to sleep with as many girls as possible.  But now I really want to have a serious relationship.  I won’t do just anything to get into a girl’s pants anymore.  In fact, I kinda don’t wanna screw girls over as much.”  If someone said that to you, would you want to be with them?  No.  So why are fans so enamored with Kanye?

Especially after his appearance on at the EMAs two years ago, where he jumped onstage to bitch about not winning enough awards in general.  If you don’t feel sorry for him already, check out his argument on why you should:

“I am not a celebrity, I’m just famous and stuff, and I make good music. It’s just a hard situation for me. I lost my mom, I lost my relationship, my hopes of some type of normality, hopes of a family, just so I could be on the stage.”

Aww, poor Kanye.  This is a guy who travels from one 5-star luxury hotel to another, eats the finest meals and makes ungodly sums of money.  Now, all-of-a-sudden, he realizes that his music should actually be his main focus and that we should feel sorry for him that he doesn’t have everything he wants?  Some sites might defend the guy, but I’m sorry, it doesn’t really work that way on SuckPolice.  After all the stunts this guy has pulled from whining about MTV awards to making the Bonnaroo crowd wait until 4:25am to see his “glow in the dark” show in the daylight, we’ve officially decided that Kanye West sucks - shutter shades and all.

And btw, Kanye did finally manage to win an EMA this year, though he claimed that wasn’t his reason for being there.  Judging by how much he likes to complain, I wouldn’t be surprised if he went in hopes that he would get the chance to bitch like last time.

“Fuck Kanye“

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Spencer Elden Continues To Milk Nirvana Nevermind Cover

November 13th, 2008

Back in 1991 Spencer Elden was featured on the cover of Nirvana’s hugely successful and groundbreaking “Nevermind” album and he’s been milking it ever since. 

Recently, Mr. Elden has re-created the photo in the same pool in Pasadena, CA where the original shot was taken. It’s a little amusing though, considering that he didn’t take the photo for any particular reason according to MTV. 

“Every five years or so, somebody’s gonna call me up and ask me about Nevermind,” he told Rolling Stone in 2003. “And I’m probably gonna get some money from it.”

Let’s just face the fact that this guy fucking sucks. However, he should cling to all this attention while he still can and he’s doing a good job so far. Will he ever catch that dollar? Wait for the next re-shoot to find out!

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Billy Corgan Invites Heckler Onstage At The United Palace in NYC

November 12th, 2008

The Smashing Pumpkins played a 2-night stand at New York City’s United Palace last week and reviews have been pretty bad. One would assume the reviews are bad because the band really isn’t The Smashing Pumpkins and because Billy Corgan is a bat-shit-loco douche (this is common knowledge right?).

Yes folks, he may have been cool during a very small window of time in the early 90’s but he’s sucked since probably around 1996 or so. According to RollingStone “Things quickly fell off a cliff, bogged down by tuneless dirges like the reworked version of ‘Heavy Metal Machine’ and a noisy, directionless cover of Pink Floyd’s ‘Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun.” Billy Corgan has always been a pretentious fuck, but damn, a reworked “Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun” cover? Wow.

Obviously hurt by the bad reviews of the night before, the next night Billy Corgan invited a fan onstage to express his opinion. In what seems like it could’ve been a scripted event the fan said “Last night’s show fucking sucked.” What then ensued was Billy Corgan trying in vain to make a joke about the kid. He used the old “Oh yea, well what song’s have you written?” comeback and then made a joke about an imaginary song the kid wrote which Billy Corgan titled “Take Your Dick Out of My Ass and Stick It In My Mouth.”

To me, this says more about Billy Corgan than anything about the fan himself. How many sharks can Billy Corgan and “The Smashing Pumpkins” jump? Where will it end?

Just check out the YouTube clip, it’s really painfully awkward to watch.

P.S. - When the fuck are Soundgarden going to do a reunion? They are one of the few bands that actually could pull it off better than most. And we all know big bucks would be on the table for such an event. I think the rock world needs Kim Thayil back.

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MTV TRL “Total Request Live” Finale

November 11th, 2008

MTV will be airing it’s final episode of TRL or “Total Request Live” on Sunday (Nov. 16th) with a huge cast of pop stars. Why does the end of TRL suck? Well, it doesn’t but this finale episode will. Just check out this kickass lineup…

“Beyonce, 50 Cent, Fall Out Boy and the Backstreet Boys. Justin Timberlake, Kid Rock, JC Chasez, Christina Aguilera, Travis Barker, Mariah Carey, Taylor Swift, Hilary Duff, Fred Durst and Korn’s Jonathan Davis.”

Looks like Fred Durst might be coming out of retirement for this one, you might want to tune in for that alone. Last time he showed up recently, on Tom Green’s show he spoke in a hick accent, had gray fucked up hair and looked like he was on crack. He probably was…

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Michael Stipe Designs Lacoste Polo Shirt

November 10th, 2008

Michael Stipe has always had a certain integrity about him. R.E.M really were one of the first true alternative bands to gain widespread popularity, which then ballooned to worldwide stardom. 

I also like R.E.M and while it certainly isn’t that big of a deal in this day and age, it kind of sucks to see Michael Stipe designing a shirt for Lacoste (you know, the expensive shirts with the alligator on them). The shirt is a two-tone image of a crowd at a stadium concert. The product description describes the shirt as “a monumental two tone photographic image” and that it “contrasts against colors of the Lacoste petit pique fabric that both obliterates detail and accentuates silhouette.”

Basically, its a black and white picture blown up to cover the whole shirt. It cost 150 Euros (which equals about $200 US Dollars) and is a limited edition product, so of course you need to buy it now!

What a perfect time to introduce a $200 shirt! It’s not like there is a recession going on or anything like that. And if you do decide to buy this shirt, you can rest easy knowing that your money doesn’t go to any charity or anything like that. Your money goes to an already rich french company that makes “designer” shirts. 

In related but not sucky R.E.M news, the bands first LP “Murmur” will be seeing a deluxe re-release on November 25th via I.R.S./Universal Music Group. 

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Christina Aguilera’s New Album

November 7th, 2008

We all know that electro is huge right now, with hip artists like Justice having become very successful. We also know that Christina Aguilera sucks, very badly.

So what do these two things have in common? Basically Christina is working on a new album, attempting to make a come back, and she’s going to hire a bunch of electro artists-of-the-moment to help her. In addition, it also means that when this album is released you will hear it so much that you will want to kill someone or yourself. 

In a teleconference (<– yes you read that correctly) with reporters Christina Aguilera explained that she has been listening to “a lot” of Sia, Goldfrapp and Ladytron as of late. She also explained to journalists that these artists’ influence will be felt on some of her new songs, including her “Genie In A Bottle” revamp “Genie 2.0.” That song is sure to be the most advanced and emotional piece of music ever recorded. 

I don’t know if I should even attempt to make a comment about this. One thing is for sure though, hipsters will love this shit (refer to yesterdays post Pitchfork Media’s Top 500 Songs). 

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Pitchfork Media’s Top 500 Songs

November 6th, 2008

Every year we have to be subjected to countless lists, everything from “The Top 10 Dance Singles of 2008″ to stuff like “The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.” To put it bluntly, lists suck. 

So we should be overjoyed that the people responsible for Pitchfork Media have created not just a list, but a book of their top 500 songs. The book will be released on November 11th, it is entitled “The Pitchfork 500” and is a list of the 500 best songs of the past three decades. 

The kind guy at the From Closer To Near blog listed out the entire thing as he received the book two weeks early from Amazon. As you can see from the list, it looks like the standard selections except a few inexplicable exceptions. For example: Scentless Apprentice as the best song Nirvana put out in 1993? So many better songs are on “In Utero” it’s not even funny. Also, Kelly Clarkson. Really? Hipster irony is too far advanced, or behind for me to even follow this logic. 

Many people are of course going to have their differing viewpoints on the book, but my main point is don’t waste your money. If you really want to check out this lame-ass list, click the link above.

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