Stephen Colbert is frequently hilarious but nothing made us laugh as much as this clip. In what Stephen Colbert is calling “Operation Humble Kanye” he is attempting to get viewers to purchase his Christmas album “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All” so that he can topple “808s & Heartbreak” and hopefully humble Kanye West, which of course will never happen. Just check out the video, we couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
Over at MTV.com they’ve posted a piece on the musicians they are most thankful for this year. Since MTV doesn’t actually show any music these days I’m guessing that actual music or music-related topics are discussed exclusively online.
Anyway, if you check out the article you’ll see that they list an artist and then explain why they’re thankful. Of course we here at SuckPolice are not thankful for any of these musical abortions, I mean just check out the artists they list, damn. So we are here to tell you why these artists and what they’ve done sucks, because that is our civic duty.
Kanye West
Why We’re Not Thankful: If there is anyone more annoying than Kanye West, please let me know. First, he puts the Bonnaroo Festival to shame and proves once again that he sucks live. Just imagine how awesome it was to see his “Glow In The Dark” tour during the day. Then, he whines and moans about not winning EUROPEAN MTV awards. He also, almost single-handedly bombarded the “hip-hop” industry with a barrage of shitty auto-tuned tracks. This will probably continue as a trend until about 2014.
Metallica
Why We’re Not Thankful: “The biggest metal band in the world came back with a vengeance.” Yea, if by vengeance you mean an overloaded, over-compressed piece of digital garbage in the form of “Death Magnetic.” While the album isn’t too bad and does in some ways show a return to form, it being mastered so loud destroyed any chance the album will ever have of achieving any sort of legit-status. Also, it still kind of sounds like “St. Anger.”
Death Cab for Cutie
Why We’re Not Thankful: I totally can admit to liking the first single from Death Cab’s last album “Narrow Stairs.” While “I Will Posses Your Heart” is a good song, it doesn’t really deserve to be praised as challenging and different because the intro of the song is super long. If you think it’s “different & challenging” that a band can play the same riff over and over again, well you’re just kinda stupid.
Britney Spears
Why We’re Not Thankful: Her so called “comeback” as a normal person is total BS. We all know that Britney is still bat-shit loco and that she just got a new PR team. She honestly gets way too much press, now everybody’s ready to support this bitch again? Wha?
Lil Wayne
Why We’re Not Thankful: Lil’ Wayne definitely deserves some respect for proving that in an age of illegal downloading and a sagging economy that it’s still possible to sell 1 million records in a week. It still doesn’t change the fact that he’s a cracked-out retard who can’t rap and has really really stupid tattoo’s all over his face.
Hope you enjoyed all the stuff we’re not thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving from the SuckPolice!
Today, MTV.com reported that Kanye West has “changed his priorities over the last year.” He told MTV Europe that now his main goal is to be “groundbreaking with his product and not just be the most recognizable face on the planet.”
“I used to want to be the biggest star in the world; now I don’t know if that’s my goal anymore,” West said. “I just want to make really good music. I wouldn’t do anything just to become any more famous. If anything, I want to be less famous. So as I make my music, I’m putting it out for me!”
Does anyone else realize how slimy that sounds? That’s like saying, “I used to want to sleep with as many girls as possible. But now I really want to have a serious relationship. I won’t do just anything to get into a girl’s pants anymore. In fact, I kinda don’t wanna screw girls over as much.” If someone said that to you, would you want to be with them? No. So why are fans so enamored with Kanye?
Especially after his appearance on at the EMAs two years ago, where he jumped onstage to bitch about not winning enough awards in general. If you don’t feel sorry for him already, check out his argument on why you should:
“I am not a celebrity, I’m just famous and stuff, and I make good music. It’s just a hard situation for me. I lost my mom, I lost my relationship, my hopes of some type of normality, hopes of a family, just so I could be on the stage.”
Aww, poor Kanye. This is a guy who travels from one 5-star luxury hotel to another, eats the finest meals and makes ungodly sums of money. Now, all-of-a-sudden, he realizes that his music should actually be his main focus and that we should feel sorry for him that he doesn’t have everything he wants? Some sites might defend the guy, but I’m sorry, it doesn’t really work that way on SuckPolice. After all the stunts this guy has pulled from whining about MTV awards to making the Bonnaroo crowd wait until 4:25am to see his “glow in the dark” show in the daylight, we’ve officially decided that Kanye West sucks - shutter shades and all.
And btw, Kanye did finally manage to win an EMA this year, though he claimed that wasn’t his reason for being there. Judging by how much he likes to complain, I wouldn’t be surprised if he went in hopes that he would get the chance to bitch like last time.
